Honor Thy An
by lolzwaitwhat
Summary: Based off of 'Honor thy Ed' An, Ann 'n Anny discover an abandoned house and when Karen dares them to go in for jawbreakers to prove it's not haunted, how could they refuse? Little do they know that there was a presence to be feared more then a ghost: The Kanker Brothers!


A creepy older house sat empty in the cul-de-sac with a 'For Sale' sign out front, not that it was very noticeable behind the forest of white dandelions that had taken over the front lawn. The Kanker brothers looked at, wondering why they had never noticed it before.

They had come up to the cul-de-sac to give their girls a little lovin', but the girls weren't outside yet, they decided to wander around the cul-de-sac a bit, scope out a few places for future An-grabs, when they discovered the only house on the block with no occupants. They all stared at it for a moment, looking pensive.

"What a dump!" Larie finally said, looking it up and down, unimpressed.

"I bet if we could fix it up, we could all live there instead of in the trailer and we could be closer to our girls!" Jay said, excited at the possibility of living in a house and having a real yard to play in as well as being closer to their girls.

"That'd take forever, Jay!" Tee snapped, indicating the falling shutters, the missing ceiling tiles, the stripped siding, the broken windows and the rickety old wood that made up the front porch and the front door, "By the time we finished fixing it up, we'll probably be grown ups and already married to our girls…" he stopped mid-sentence, then looked up at the house, his eyes widening as the gears in his mind began twirling faster then the water in a flushing toilet. A devious smirk crawled up his face, "Married…huh?" he muttered, grabbing his brothers by the shoulders and pulling them towards the house, "Come on, boys, we've got work to do."

"Huh?" his brothers said in unison.

"What are we gonna do in there?" Jay asked.

"We're getting married, boys." He said, his smile growing bigger. His brothers looked confused and concerned, then their eyes lit up with comprehension and they smirked too. Then Larie frowned, "Wait, if we're getting married, why are we going into the house?" he asked.

"We need to set the mood." Tee explained, "And this house is the perfect place to do it, after all, how else can we show how awesome life as our wives can be then in a real house?" his brothers considered this, then nodded. It made sense. The girls didn't handle wifely duties at the trailer very well, maybe it was because they wanted to live in a house when they grew up and not a trailer, not that the brothers could blame them, given the choice, they would choose living in a house in this neighborhood any day over living in their trailer. Even if it _was_ home, the boys had to share a room and it seemed to get smaller as the boys got older. And the brothers, although they got along well enough, could all use their own spaces and would love to romp around in a big yard with grass and a tree out front with a tire swing. Living closer to their girls was an added bonus.

"Okay, so all we need to do is…" he whispered into his brothers' ears, and their eyes lit up with glee and their smiles grew.

"You got it?" Tee asked. Jay and Larie nodded eagerly, then all three brothers dashed inside the old house, chuckling.

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A few hours later An looked up at the same house, a cactus on her head. She shook with fear at the look of the place, she didn't know why it seemed so scary to her, it wasn't like it was soap or Kanker, it was just an empty house. She snatched up some of the fluffy white dandelions in front of the house, roots still attached, and quickly looked back to the house, as if to check and see if she had angered it by taking some of the flowers off it's front lawn. After a few seconds passed and nothing had happened, she quickly dashed back to her friends, happy once more, "I found some grass, Anny!" she cried as she ran back to the scene of their latest scheme where Anny was grating an orange crayon over a bowl and Double-N was folding paper plates into a 'U' shape.

"Whoop-de-do, An." Anny said, wearing a hairnet and focusing on scraping the last bit of the crayon onto the grater. Once she had gotten enough crayon shavings into the bowl she tossed the leftover bit of crayon into a pile of crayon boxes they removed them from, Anny smirked, 'Hope Sam doesn't have to color anything orange for a while.' She thought deviously as she looked down at the half used wax nub on the ground.

Sam, upon hearing that the Ans were going to need to use some cheese from An's house for their latest money making endeavor, he had eaten the entire wheel their mother had bought at the store earlier that day, then he got a horrible belly ache and Jamie took him to her house to take care of him.

Anny, in a fit of rage/revenge-fueled brilliance, snatched up every crayon box in Sam's room and used almost every one of his orange crayons to substitute the cheese Sam had selfishly scarfed down.

"Cheese, grated and waiting! Ready to roll, Double-N?" she asked her brainy, paper poncho wearing friend beside her.

"Don't rush me, Anny." She said, a little annoyed that they were using random items as replacements for food, she folded another plate and held it up for Anny, "There's an _art_ to folding tacos out of _paper plates_." She said sarcastically, showing her displeasure at substituting real food for paper. She was also a little annoyed that Anny hadn't learned from the _last_ time they made fake food for a scam and messed up Jamie's teeth, they got the beating of a lifetime from Sam because of that, and while their fake food was a lot softer then the bowling pin Jamie bit into and probably a lot safer to eat then the bowling pin, she still was not pleased to not be using real food.

An happily tossed in the uprooted dandelions she had picked into Double-N's freshly folded paper plate taco shell, "Olé!" she cried, getting into the spirit.

"Everyone's a critic." Double-N groaned as she looked at the weeds that An had dumped into the folded plate, relenting that if any of the kids were stupid enough to believe that what the girls were selling were_ actually_ tacos, then they were the only ones to blame for falling for it.

"Art-schart," Anny scoffed, "Everyone will buy our tacos! It's a cinch!" Anny cried happily from their stand, a big sign in front that read, "Taco An's Mexican Kwtchen" (Double-N tried to correct it, but Anny made her to get to work on the paper plate taco shells instead.) Anny felt confident about this idea, everyone loved tacos, so who wouldn't want to eat at their stand? Double-N shook her head, "Grass, paper plates and crayon for cheese do not a taco make, Anny." she said, not wanting to be the bearer of bad news but knew it was her responsibility as the most sensible An to try and convince them one last time to use _real_ food for their taco stand before something bad happened. (Like it almost _always_ did.)

An looked down at the bowl filled with orange crayon shavings, drooling a bit from hunger (she had been running around all morning looking for good looking grass for their tacos) and her face lit up when she looked at the bowl, "CHEDDAR!" she cried, then buried her face into the bowl and began munching on the waxy faux cheese. Both of her friends leaned their heads back in alarm, then Anny started to chuckle, Double-N however, was not as amused, "For goodness sake, An! Does that _really_ taste like cheese?" she asked, alarmed that her chin-less friend was ingesting the orange colored wax.

"It's orange like cheese." An offered with a smile, orange crayon bits stuck to her face. Anny looked past their waxy faced friend and gave Double-N a triumphant grin, as if to say, 'See, I told you no one would notice the difference.'

Double-N looked at An plainly, "Oh really?" she asked, then reached back into the pile of Sam's crayons, "So if what you're saying is true…" she pulled out a blue crayon and held it up to An, "Then this blue crayon _must_ be a blueberry pie." She said. An took a bite of the crayon and chewed it for a moment, then swallowed, looking thoughtful. She then smiled, "Tart, yet crusty." She appraised. Double-N was taken aback, did the crayons _really_ taste like food when one put one's mind to it? She picked up a yellow crayon debating whether or not she should test this theory for herself.

"Would you girls quit fooling around?" Anny snapped, pulling out a large bottle with a red sloshing liquid inside, "I've still gotta add my sister's secret..."

"Banana." Double-N said out loud, making both of her friends look at her quizzically. She held up the yellow crayon and was testing An and Anny's theory, "Yellow is for banana." She said, then looked at the crayon, "You are a banana!" she took a bite, then made a face.

This was _not_ a banana.

She immediately spit it out, the taste of waxy still thick on her tongue and in the crevasses in her teeth, she looked around, "Water! Water!" she cried. Anny snickered at her friend's predicament, she was used to An doing really stupid things, but Double-N doing something as stupid as An was not a sight she often got to enjoy. An just looked pleased, she had eaten some nice shredded cheese and a pleasant blueberry pie for dessert, she wasn't all the way full, but she wasn't as hungry as she was once she returned to the stand.

"Don't just stand there!" Double-N cried, a little upset that they weren't doing anything to help her. She noticed the jug in Anny's hands and snatched it out of her hands, pulled a glass from under her hand poured herself a glass of the hot sauce and chugged it, much to Anny's surprise.

Double-N had never done two stupid things in a row before, so Anny was chuckling as she grabbed the bottle back from Double-N, "That's the first time I've ever seen somebody guzzle my sister's secret Armenian hot sauce!" she said as she poured the jug over a pile of their 'special' tacos.

"Well, it certainly ridded me of that horrible, non-toxic waxy aftertaste." Double-N said pleasantly, placing her glass under the wooden table. An picked up one of the tacos drenched in sauce and took a big bite of it, "My mom says not to pick my belly button." An informed them, her face smothered in hot sauce.

Anny frowned, frustrated. Normally when someone ate something covered in her sister's special hot sauce, they'd spout fire out of their mouths like a dragon.

"I don't believe it!" she cried, lifting the jug up and glaring at it, "It's not working!" She swiped some of the sauce off of a taco with her finger, "This sauce is supposed to be a real gut burner!" She seethed, mad that it wasn't making her friends spew fire. She licked a bit of the sauce off of her finger, wondering if she had forgotten a crucial spice or something when she was recreating her sister's recipe. It didn't taste very spicy on her tongue… She sighed and looked down at her sauce covered finger, 'Oh well.' She thought, 'it still hides the fact that it's grass, paper plates and crayon instead of a real taco.' She glanced back at Double-N, only to watch as her friend began to shake like a soda about to explode and sweating as if she was in a sauna. Double-N's face turned red, her eyes shrank and her lower lip sank into a pout, then a massive amount of steam screamed from her ears and her hat. Anny's eyes widened and she turned to An, who's head looked like a burned out match.

"Hi Anny!" she cried happily, as if nothing was wrong.

Anny suddenly felt as if her whole body was slowly catching on fire, her hair felt like fuses into a barrel of dynamite. She screamed as she released a fireball the size of her head out of her mouth. All three Ans scrambled around looking for some kind of water to cool their mouths down, settling for a sprinkler on a nearby lawn, each girl put her mouth onto the sprinkler and clumped down on it with their teeth, only for the sprinkler to flip them over as it continued on it's usual rotation cycle a few times as the girls felt the spicy after taste of the hot sauce flow down their throats. Then the girls heard a shriek and let go, worried for a moment that they'd be scolded for putting their mouths on someone else's sprinkler, until they realized that it was coming from somewhere else. And that it was Jamie.

Now, Jamie was a girl who would cry out for, well, almost anything. A bug crawling near her, tripping over her own shoelaces, something not going her way…

But this was one of fear, and it sounded more frightened then the normal, 'Oh my goodness there's a spider within ten feet of my person, somebody save me!' scream.

"Oh dear, A shriek of terror!" Double-N deduced while Anny squirted some left over water out of her mouth like a fountain.

"Dad's home!" An cried happily. Her friends looked at her, concerned that a shriek of terror would make her think that her father had arrived home from work.

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The Kankers had been at it for a few hours now.

They had started with a basic run through the entire house, inspecting the whole place from top to bottom, then they made their plans, taking into account each of their girls' personalities and quirks. Then they had made a quick run over to the junk yard for a few more supplies, then raced back, excited and eager to begin.

They had been working ever since.

While normally when they'd prepare stuff for their girls, they'd try to keep it under a half hour at the very most, not because they were lazy, oh no, it was because they were super eager to get their girls and wanted to spend as much time as possible with them. So they usually stuck to simple, quick, set up plans so they could maximize their time with the Ans.

But this was different then their usual, simple snatch and grabs. They wanted to show their girls how much they _really_ did care for them, and what better way to do that then to get married? So, even though they weren't used to doing so much just to catch their girls, this was a_ wedding_.

Or, at least, the closest they could do for now, but they still had to pull out all the stops. They didn't want their girls to think that they would try to skimp on something so important in the future when they did it for real, so they worked harder, only stopping to rework out the plans and adjust things.

They had finally finished their work, then they had run home to get their best suits (again, this was a wedding, they had to look nice for their brides, didn't want the Ans to think they were slobs) and run back. Their plan was to somehow lure the Ans inside and trap them there. Then they'd let the girls slowly end up right where they wanted them.

That is, that _was_ the plan.

Until that whiny brat Jamie had noticed Jay walk past the window to finish the last bit of prep work and had screamed, then fainted in Sam's arms. The brothers sat in an upstairs bedroom and used an old hand mirror left behind, along with most of the other stuff in the house, and angled it so they could see what was going on outside without giving themselves away anymore then they already had. The window was open and the curtain fluttered outside in the breeze, making it a little harder for the boys to hear what the others were saying.

Jamie was staring up at the house, slowly coming to in Sam's arms, Sam looking at her, concerned. The other kids in the cul-de-sac walked up, surrounding her, Karen and Rachel looking annoyed, Jenny was her usual cheerful self with Plankette in her hands, and Nate seemed concerned for the whiny child.

"What's with Fluffy? Karen asked as she approached, not even attempting to hide her annoyance with the girl for screaming for no reason again. Karen almost didn't know who was worse, the Ans with their constant schemes and gimmicks, or Jamie and her inability to stop whining, like, _ever_.

"There!" Jamie cried, pointing to the room where the brothers were sitting, "In the window!" The boys lowered the mirror slightly, hoping the other kids wouldn't notice. They couldn't afford the other kids to see what the boys had done for the Ans! They'd be laughing stocks! And they'd probably mess up all the hard work they had done for their girls.

"What are we gonna do, Tee?" Jay asked, his voice pitched with panic.

"Yeah, those kids'll ruin everything!" Larie agreed.

"If those guys come in to investigate, we jump them and tie 'um up, make them witnesses to the happy union of the Kankers and the Ans." Tee said, a smirk growing on his face, "But, of course, they'll need to be on their best behavior, wouldn't want them to ruin the day the Ans become Kankers." His brothers smiled, and nodded in approval of the idea. They then sucked in a breath and continued to listen.

"A dark figure casted a shadow!" Jamie said, trying to make the story sound as dramatic as possible, "It cried in torment with a hideous hairdo!" she cried.

"Hideous?" Jay said, rubbing a hand through his hair, "My hair's not that bad, is it?" he asked his brothers.

"Jay, look at the person who said that." Tee said plainly, pretty mad that the girl with a fluffy head and a medal ring around her head insulted his brother's looks. While Jay not be the best looking guy around, the Kankers' stuck together and beat the stuffing out of anyone who spoke badly of them, and looking at Jamie, Tee wanted to know who she was to say that his brother's hairdo was hideous when nobody could tell where her head stopped and her hair began!

"You cried?" Larie asked.

"No!" Jay snapped, "I shouted!" he then looked down at his feet, "I stubbed my pinky toe on the edge of the bed." Jay said sheepishly. His brothers winced sympathetically and nodded.

"Hold me!" Jamie sobbed, throwing herself into Sam's arms, then smiled into his shirt as he held her close and comforted her.

"Are you sure, Jamie?" Sam asked her, then opened his, rather large, mouth to suggest what she might have seen instead, only for the other kids to notice that the Ans had arrived on the scene. An grabbed the youngest members of the cul-de-sac, "Stand back!" she cried, "Protect yourselves!" She then shoved the two under her shirt, the two kids groaning and moaning from the smell as their feet kicked over the ground. Jay growled at the sight of it, Jamie insulted his hair _and_ got to go under An's shirt? How fair was that?

Anny and Double-N quickly yanked the two kids out of her shirt while she went onto say, "Who knows what evil lurks behind the hallowed halls, in the house," she indicated the house before them that the Kankers were currently sitting in, "Of the haunted." An finished, her voice grave. Jamie screamed and clutched Sam's arm, shaking like a leaf. Double-N and Anny rolled their eyes, as if to say, 'oh boy.'

"It's the house of the mad logger who chopped down trees and turned them into coffee tables!" Jenny cried, clutching Plankette to her chest defensively. Anny looked at her as if to say, 'really? Loggers and coffee tables? That's what you think is scary?' while Jamie screamed again and ran for An, who was the largest and the strongest kid in the cul-de-sac, surely An could hold off a ghost!

"Wait!" Rachel cried, then dashed besides Jenny, making Jamie stop and look at the blue haired girl, morbid curiosity keeping her from running back into the stinky safety of An's shirt. "This house is owned by the provoked opera singer," she explained, leaning over Jenny with her hands shaped like claws, "She lures the boys and girls with her enchanted arias!" Jamie went to scream again, only, due to the empty glass jug (that once housed the hot sauce the Ans' had ingested and left them breathing out flames) that Anny had shoved onto her head so she'd shut up, no sound left the girl's open mouth. Much to everyone's (except for Sam's) relief that she had finally been silenced, her screaming was starting to get on everybody's nerves. Even the Kankers were considering stomping out there to shut her up.

Tee smiled down at his girl, who looked at the trapped girl with a proud smirk on her face, then looked at the other as if they were idiots for thinking the house was haunted, "Grow up." She said plainly, "It's just an empty house. Geez."

Karen smirked at her, "Then go on in, I dare ya."

"Yeah, well, maybe some other time." Anny said, barely masking the anxiousness in her voice, "An needs us to help change the newspaper under her bed." The other kids (except for Sam) tilted their heads back at that one, wondering why An would have newspaper under her bed in the first place, then why it needed to be changed. Then they made faces of disgust and looked back at An, who smiled as if Anny hadn't revealed an embarrassing secret of hers out and called out, "Changed it this morning, Anny!" Double-N looks at An, a little proud, "You did it all by yourself?" she asked, sounding a little like a mother would ask her child.

Larie's face broke out into a big goofy grin, Double-N was the most motherly girl in the cul-de-sac. Larie licked his lips, 'Good thing I plan to have lots of kids,' he thought. An nodded triumphantly and Double-N patted her on the head, beaming with pride.

"I'll give you three jawbreakers if you go inside the house." Karen purred, pulling out three jawbreakers from her pockets and holding them up for the girls to see.

The brothers looked at each other, panicked.

Jawbreakers were some of their girls' favorite candy (along with chocolate, but during the hot, humid days of summer, their girls stuck to Jawbreakers since they melted in their mouths and not their pockets.) and the brothers knew it would be hard for the Ans to resist.

Anny looked at it for less then a second before grabbing both of her friends by the arms, "Well what are we waiting for?" Anny cried, then dragged them through the tall white dandelions towards the house.

"Anny, don't you see through Karen's attempt to make us go into that filthy house?" Double-N cried as Anny pushed them closer and closer to the house.

"Dandelions." An said, admiring the fluffy white seeds that remained of the yellow flowers. Her nose twitched as Anny explained to them that "all we have to do is stick our feet in the door, and bingo! Free jawbreakers!"

Karen smirked and shoved one of the candies into her mouth, there was no way those dorks would go through with it, so she might as well have a snack while she enjoyed the show.

While the brothers were a little mad at Karen for eating one of their girls' promised jawbreakers, they had bigger things to worry about.

Their girls were here_ way_ earlier then they had expected, and, although most of the work was done, they still needed to do a few last minute things before they were ready for the biggest day in their young lives.

"Looks like our brides got here early, boys!" Tee said anxiously, "we need to get to the alter, fast!" His brothers quickly nodded and they dashed downstairs, only to hear a loud sneeze from outside that made them jump and stop halfway down the steps, they looked through the window on the front door and watched as dandelions and all the fluffy white seeds gently cascaded down onto their girls' heads, hair and clothes, almost looking like veils and dresses.

Man, their girls looked beautiful.

The boys' hearts all skipped a beat as the Ans brushed themselves off and, for a moment, the boys lost themselves in what they were planning to do, forgetting that this was more of a practice then the real deal. They all began to shake and sweat nervously, the collars on their shirts suddenly felt as if they had shrank two sizes and they all had this sudden urge to run away, to abandon all their hard work and run home.

"Get any on you, An?" Anny asked, then she pressed her hands against the glass on the front door in order to get a better view inside, the boys immediately stopped moving as Anny squinted into the dark room.

Well, there was no way they could run past them now, not dressed in their best suits from inside the so-called haunted house.

They quickly crouched low to the ground, while taking care to keep their suits from getting too dirty.

"Do you see anything, Anny?" Double-N asked her.

"Yeah." She said. The boys stiffened, they were so busted! "Dark." Anny continued, the boys breathed out a sigh of relief, "Lots and lots of dark."

An sneezed again and launched her and her friends through the front door and into the house, landing onto the floor with a thud. With Anny on the bottom, Double-N in the middle and An on top, smiling sheepishly, "Dandelions, Anny." She said apologetically, her nose a little stuffy.

"Huh?" Anny groaned, looking around, the boys froze, silently begging every deity they could think of, 'Please don't let them see us, please don't let them see us, please don't let them see us, at least, not yet.'

Luckily Double-N, who was being crushed in between her friends, asked in a muffled voice, "An, could you please get off my face?" An complied and then helped a disoriented Double-N up onto her feet. Anny sat up, looking around, "This house isn't haunted! It's a dump!" she declared, annoyed. An looked around, her face lighting up, "This house looks like the house from 'I Was A Cotton Swab' in Madame Tongue-Itch's Earwax Museum!" she said, upon noticing her friends' confused faces, she then further clarified with, "The mini series."

Double-N stared at An, concerned that she actually watched any of the things she had just mentioned with those bizarre and, honestly, rather ridiculous names.

"Double-N…" a creepy voice breathed behind her, making her freeze as she felt hot breath against her neck, "Let me poke your brain!" then a dark, evil laugh was heard that was so frightening, it made Double-N faint on the spot, An caught her before she hit the ground then gently laid her out onto the floor.

Larie went to pop his head up, to see if she was okay (and if her undies were showing), but his brothers shoved his head back down. They couldn't let the girls see them yet! They'd probably make a run for it and it would make all their hard work pointless.

"You scared Double-N, Anny." An informed her. A devious grin crawled up Anny's face, "I did, didn't I?" her eyes then brightened with an idea, "Come on, I have an idea!" she said, rubbing her hands together.

The girls then began crying out and banging on the house, acting as if a ghost had gotten them, the boys risked a glance out the window where they could see the other kids looking worried and freaking out.

They had to cover their mouths to keep the Ans from hearing their laughter. They then noticed that while An was pretending to be strangled by a ghost, she accidently revealed that she was doing it to herself. The kids suddenly looked annoyed and angry and glared at the Ans through the house.

Tee motioned for his brothers to slowly and quietly make their way back upstairs, Jay and Larie nodded as they tiptoed back up, knowing the first part of their plan was about to be put into action.

"Well, that's enough torture." Anny said as Double-N began to stir, An ran over and helped her up while Anny reached for the doorknob. "Let's let 'um off easily and collect our…Ow!" she cried, pulling her hand back, "What the?" She finally saw a spider on the doorknob, she glanced at Double-N, panic bright in her eyes, "Is it poisonous?" she asked, terrified at the thought of being killed by a stupid spider. Double-N walked over and glanced at it, after a few seconds Double-N declared that the bite Anny had gotten from the spider would only hurt for a tiny bit before it faded away and that Anny hadn't been poisoned or anything. Anny smiled in relief and looked at the troublesome bug. She scowled at it, "Hit the road, jerk!" she said, flicking it into the corner of the room, however, it also knocked the doorknob loose and to fall onto the floor and rolling into a hole in the floor and into wherever the hole lead to. All three girls stared at the hole for a moment.

Double-N turned her head away from the hole and covered her eyes with her hand, "Please tell me that didn't happen!" she cried, after hearing a voice from behind her and fainting, she wanted out of this place.

Now.

"That didn't happen!" An told her, giving her a big smile.

Anny was freaking out a little on the inside, but her friends didn't need that right now, Double-N could have a melt down and An would fall apart after Double-N. She needed her friends to stay calm, and, to do that, she needed to stay confident, she walked up to the door, radiating confidence and calm.

"Nothing a little Anny magic can't fix." She told her friends, sticking her finger where the knob once was and fiddling with the doorknob on the other side…

Only for that knob to fall off too and for her finger to get stuck where the doorknobs once were, she tugged to free her finger, but it was no good, she was stuck. Her confident coating shattered as panic overwhelmed her, "I'm stuck, girls!" she cried, shaking like a leaf and trying in vain to pull herself free.

"Ah! Good one, Anny!" An cried, thinking they were still tricking the kids outside, "My turn!" she then shouted, "I AM THE COTTON SWAB! RELEASE THE WAX, EAR PERSON!" Double-N grasped her shoulder, not knowing what An was talking about, due to being out cold while Anny and An pretended to be attacked by ghouls, "You're scaring me more then usual An!" she informed her, her voice shrill and terrified, she then pointed to Anny's stuck finger, "NOW COULD YOU PLEASE PULL ANNY FREE SO WE CAN LEAVE?" she shouted. An smiled and nodded, then walked over and grabbed Anny by the waist, "Careful An." she warned her, "I bruise like a banana."

"Tally-ho!" An cried then began yanking Anny back, stretching her arm as she pulled her further and further into the house.

"Harder An!" Anny ordered, she was done with this place, she didn't care about the stupid jawbreakers anymore, all she wanted was to go home and ice her finger, it was starting to really hurt and her panicking wasn't making her situation any better. An yanked her friend back harder, only to step on a long loose floor board that sunk under An's foot and rose in another room further inside the house and smacked the lid of an old music box open. As soon as the lid was up, a tiny ballerina spun on it's ceramic toes and music similar to the one the ice cream man played on his rare visits to the cul-de-sac began to play. All three girls stiffened, frozen in fear.

"What's that?" Anny asked, unsure if she wanted to know the answer to that. An rose her head, amazed, "It's the Phantom of the Earwax." She murmured.

"Phantom?" Double-N repeated, suddenly going hysterical, now normally, as a girl of science, she'd scoff at the idea of ghosts and ghouls. However, after the creepy voice made her faint and soaking in the creepy atmosphere of the house, Double-N's logistical, scientific side was overruled by her instincts to run as far as she could away from this place. "That's it!" she cried as she began to tug on Anny's arm, "Let me out! Let me…" she managed to maneuver the doorknob holder so it slides right through the hole it took up in the door and slides through. The girls freeze for a moment, realizing what was happening, then they all fly backwards into the door to the basement, screaming. The force from all the tugging they did to free Anny's finger smashing them into the door and forcing it to snap off of it's hinges and fall down the stairs, the Ans scream at the top of their lungs as they plummet down the stairs (Well, Anny and Double-N scream, An laughs and cheers, enjoying herself).

Outside the kids hear the girls screaming and glare at the door, "Quit milking it, polter-dorks!" Karen shouted as she sucked on the third jawbreaker she'd had in her pocket. The other kids scowl and stomp home, angry at themselves for worrying about the Ans.

"Your bamboozle has soured like Nano's denture water!" Rachel snapped at the house.

"Ha! Bamboozle!" Karen laughed, "Haven't heard that one!" she announced as she made her way back home.

The Ans continued to scream (and in An's case laugh) until they crash into a room, not realizing that Tee, who had been doing some last minute touches had seen them as they passed, he quickly panicked and hid behind the stairs to the basement, his walkie talkie buzzed, "Tee! They're headed your way!" Larie informed him.

"Yeah, they already passed me." He whispered back, turning down the volume, he was a little annoyed that the fact that their girls were zooming past him wasn't given to him a little earlier. He heard them groan and froze behind the stairwell, hoping the Ans didn't see him.

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Anny groaned as she pulled herself up so she was sitting on the cold, concrete floor, her whole body throbbing with pain, "Oh my aching head." She moaned with a wince. Double-N slowly pulled herself up to a sitting position, rubbing her sore body as well, "That was quite an experience." Double-N agreed as Anny noticed that the door knob holder was still stuck to her finger. She scowled at it and tried to pull it off, but it wouldn't budge off her finger, she growled at it, frustrated that it wasn't coming off. Double-N looked to see her and Anny's warped reflections in a mirror, her eyes widening, "Is it me, or are our heads shaped like yams?" she asked, making Anny look at her reflection, confused as to why her head was shaped like that. Could the crash have restructured their heads? But before either girl could freak out, they suddenly heard An chuckling, they turned to see her shaking her butt in front of a mirror that made it look as if it was a hundred times bigger, "Big butt, so what!" she sang as she shook her rump, snickering.

"It's just a mirror!" Double-N exclaimed, relieved that neither of their faces had been rearranged in that crash, as she glanced around the room, she realized that it wasn't just one or two mirrors, "It's a room full of mirrors!" she said, glancing around the room at the many mirrors. Anny smiled, "Sweet!" she cried then began goofing off in front of the mirrors like An while Double-N glanced back into the mirror she and Anny had looked into, her hand on her head as she shook it, this place wasn't haunted, it was just old and empty, just as Anny had stated earlier. She felt silly, "Yams," she softly chided to herself, "What was I thinking?" she asked herself aloud, she looked at her reflection for a few more moments while An pulled out an old Navy Captain's hat and shoved it on her head and saluted to herself in the mirror.

Double-N squinted at the mirror, noticing something that wasn't where it should be.

A book. There was a book being reflected by the mirror, Double-N turned around to look. It was a decent sized book, maybe three hundred pages, with a yellow cover titled 'Understanding the Minds of Women', leaning open against a spiral staircase, its pages crinkled and the spine bent. Double-N frowned and dashed over, "Look at that! A poor defenseless book, abandoned and tossed aside, like some cheap comic!" she fumed, carefully picking it up off the ground and cradling it in her arms. "Who would do…!" she stopped as she noticed another book, this one with a pink cover that read 'Understanding Romance', sitting on a step, open with it's pages touching the ground the same way as the first. "Interesting…" she said approaching it, "There seems to be…" she looked farther up ahead the spiral stairwell and noticed another book. "Ooh! And another one!" she said, staring to get excited as she scooped the pink book up into her arms and raced up the steps to the next one, then the next one, etc. Her curiosity peaking along with her disappointment in whoever had tossed such interesting tomes onto the ground so carelessly, the strangest thing was that all of the books she had salvaged off the floor had something to do with romance. She wondered if that meant something, then shook her head, this house was empty, it had been for a while now, so whoever thrown these books were probably long gone by now. She pushed that thought out of her mind as she continued following the trail of abandoned books up the stairs, wondering where they might lead her.

Anny and An hadn't noticed Double-N climbing up the spiral steps, in fact, they hadn't even realized she was gone, they were having too much fun playing with warped mirrors and saying funny things as they watched their bodies morph before them in the mirrors. Anny had found a big one and, after discovering where the mirror warped certain things, she smiled and placed one hand behind her head and the other on her hip, she then popped out her hip a bit and puffed up her chest, "Check this out, girls!" she said, getting Tee's attention from behind the stairs, he poked his head out a little to see his girl's reflection in the mirror, then his face burned red, sweat poured out of his body and his heart pounded wildly in his chest.

Anny's reflection was taller and curvier then the girl standing in front of it, she gave the mirror a beautiful knowing smile that her reflection seemed to give to Tee. Steam came whistling from his ears and his mouth felt dry, his body began to shake as he wondered what that reflection would look like in a white dress.

He had no idea why he had gotten so nervous earlier, he was just practicing for the inevitable, he smiled widely as Anny did a few more sassy poses, now really happy that he had lugged all those mirrors from the junk yard and put them all down here.

This Kanker was hankering his girl, badly.

"Take a load off your eyes." She purred, enjoying how pretty her reflection looked, wondering if she'd look like that when she got older. Hopefully she also would get taller, too. She was a _little_ insecure about her height, she especially hated it when her short stature made it so she was excluded from certain things, like riding certain rides at amusement parks or reaching things on high shelves.

Meanwhile, the tallest An was laughing as she made her hat big, then her butt, then her hat big, then her butt, then her hat, then her butt, then her hat. She laughed as she was about turn around and laugh at the sight of her oversized butt, but she heard a 'ding!' from behind her, she turned to see a dumb waiter open up and reveal…

"CHUNKY PUFFS!" An squealed.

Yup, an open box of Chunky Puffs sat inside the mini-elevator, An tossed off the hat and leapt inside, crying out, "YUM! YUM! YUM!" She then grabbed the box and took a bite of the box, smiling happily as the dumb waiter rose back up, with An and her box of Chunky Puffs still inside.

Anny turned around, smiling and laughing… at least until she notices her friends are gone, "An? Double-N?" she called, suddenly feeling angry.

Great, just as soon as she was starting to have some fun again, she lost her friends somewhere in the basement. She walked around the room, glancing around for her friends, but found nothing, "Where the heck are they?" she asked, reaching up to scratch her head, only to remember that the stupid doorknob holder was still stuck on her finger. She scowled, if this stupid thing hadn't gotten stuck on her finger, they could've gotten out and gotten their stupid jawbreakers from Karen for going in. But instead, Anny now stood alone, in a room filled with mirrors in the basement, with no idea where her friends were or even if they could get out of this stupid house anymore now that the door was stuck. She glared at the doorknob holder that was trapping her finger and got her and her friends trapped in here. "I hate you!" she growled at it, trying to tug it off her hand, "You dumb knob holder thing!" she continued as she tugged, but it didn't budge. Tee watched her for a bit, wondering what he could do to distract her so he could get to the alter without her noticing, he watched as she swore and stretched her finger, but the doorknob holder held firm.

'This is going to take a while.' Tee thought with a groan.

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Double-N continued her way up the steps, she had been climbing for a while now and she now had a towering stack of books in her arms that she was barely able to keep from toppling. She had felt as if someone was watching her after she had found the fifth book left on the floor, so she began to talk aloud to herself, trying to drown out her paranoia with the sound of her own voice.

She quickly found herself calming down, then she began to scold whoever had so carelessly mistreated the trove of novels in her arms, letting her anger power her up the steps, grateful for the boost it gave her usually weak body. "Honestly!" she continued, reaching the top steps, "How can someone so well-read be so illiterate?" she demanded, "I ask you…" she stopped, noticing another book on the floor, "Oh, another one!" she said cheerfully, wondering what romantic tome had been tossed to the floor. But before she had managed to pick it up, she looked up and smiled, her eyes wide with glee and joy blossoming in her chest. She had wandered into an enormous private library, with all of the books inside in pristine condition, unlike most of the house. "Rapture." She murmured, amazed at the sight.

She had always wanted a huge private library like this in her own home but her parents were hardly home long enough while she was awake to discuss it. She shook her head and pushed _her_ empty home out of her head and let it fill up with glee that she had found such a large private library to explore. She began humming and skipping through the room, returning the lost tomes to their rightful places, a big smile on her face as she carefully shelved each book, not noticing Larie peeping at her with a hand mirror through the open door.

Larie watched her as she gracefully bounced from one side of the room to another, occasionally pausing to glance at the titles besides the ones she had just put away, her eyes glistening as she admired the room and the words inscribed into the spines of the books. He knew she would love this room, but he'd had no idea how much so.

He felt his face burn as he watched her, normally he saw her scolding her friends for doing something stupid or shaking nervously when he caught her, but he had _never_ seen her look so excited and happy before.

Not that his girl was never happy or anything, it's just he hardly ever _saw_ her _this_ happy before. He felt his knees go weak and his heart bounce against his ribcage, his face broke out into a humongous grin. He had originally skimmed those books to get ideas, but he hardly got anything from them, they didn't really have a lot of pictures or small words that he could understand very well. Then he realized he could use these books as a lure, since books made her happy. He felt a warm feeling surge through his body, 'This must be how it feels to make your wife happy.' Larie guessed. He reveled in the feeling and let the nervousness he had felt earlier slip out his toes.

This Kanker was hankering his girl _really_ bad.

He then watched as she finished putting the books away and spun around, her eyes gleaming with joy and excitement, "Books upon shelves upon walls of literature!" she cried happily, she glanced around the room, wondering where she should begin when she spotted a book that was put back wrong, sticking out of the otherwise perfectly shelved library like a sore thumb, she frowned at the sight of it. "Someone is really trying my patience!" she said firmly, then pushed a ladder over and climbed up and rights the wrong, "There, perfectly shelved." She said, quite pleased with herself as she climbed back down, not noticing that the book was actually a switch that opened up a trap door just under the end of the ladder, leading further down into the house, "Now where was I?" she asked as she climbed back down to the ground then further into the house, not noticing that she had missed her floor.

Larie grinned, Double-N was now his 'till death did they part.

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An sat in the rising dumb waiter, munching on the box of Chunky Puffs. She turned to see if Anny and Double-N wanted some, feeling a little bad that she was hogging them all to herself, only to realize that the way she came in was gone, replaced by a wall. An tilted her head and looked at it, it kind of looked like it was moving. She squinted at the wall, trying to see if it was moving or not. After a few minutes, she decided it was moving. She smiled and took another bite of the Chunky Puffs box, pleased that she had figured it out.

Then in dawned on her that it wasn't _normal_ for walls to move. But, then again, it probably wasn't normal for boxes of her favorite cereal to pop up out of nowhere either. She began to shake, was the house alive? Was she being brought to its stomach? She squished the box towards her chest, frightened, was she going to be eaten? Where were Anny and Double-N? Had they already succumbed to being lunch for the monster house they were in? An felt tears well up in her eyes, were her friends gone forever? She didn't want her friends to be gone forever! Who would watch movies with her or braid her hair with her or butter her toast? She was just about to burst into tears when the wall slipped away into an open room. An looked at the room for a moment, was this a trap?

She glanced all around, then took a nervous bite of the Chunky Puffs box, only to notice she had one bite left, and it was only box and dust, which was gross! She chewed and felt her chest ache, not only was she without her friends in a scary house, but now she was out of Chunky Puffs! She felt tears begin to slip down her cheeks, she wanted her friends! She wanted to go home! She wanted to go home with her friends! She felt her lip being to quiver.

Then she saw something. An froze and whimpered, wondering what kind of monster would pop out and try to eat her… only to see what looked kind of like a chicken. She wiped her eyes and cheeks and squinted at it, unsure of what she was seeing.

It had to be the weirdest chicken An had ever seen in her whole life, and she had seen all six 'Mutant Chickens from the Planet Fred vs' movies at _least_ four times.

It's face looked like a sock, its eyes could only be described as, well, googily, and it's beak was squiggly, almost as if it had been drawn on by… she recognized the orange specks on it's face, it was the same ones she had on her face back at their taco stand earlier when she indulged in the bowl of cheese Anny had put onto the counter earlier… but hadn't Double-N said that Anny had used crayons instead of cheese? An strained herself to remember as she looked at the strange chicken, what kind of chicken ate crayons? She squinted at it suspiciously, was that even a chicken?

"Uh…" a voice came from next to the chicken, "Cluck cluck?" An let out a sigh of relief, thank goodness, it was just a chicken… But why would a chicken be in this creepy old house. An thought about it for a second, making her head hurt from all this thinking, she missed her friends, with her friends, she didn't need to think so much. She wondered if the chicken knew where her friends were…

Her face brightened, maybe the chicken had been to their stand and liked their tacos, and since the chicken was friends with this house, the house kept her and her friends here to make it's chicken friend another yummy taco!

A big smile grew on her face, that _had_ to be it, there was no other explanation that made sense, well, at least none that made sense to An. She hopped out of the dumb waiter, leaving the last bit of box and crumbs behind and called out, "HI CHICKEN!" she said cheerfully, not realizing that the 'chicken' she was actually talking to was actually Jay's sock with a orange crayon mouth and goggily eyes glued to it.

He peeked through a small hole he had made in the wall and felt a huge grin grow up his flushed cheeks as he saw his girl's eyes filled with warmth and… was that adoration too? He felt himself begin to hover in mid-air as his body felt all tingly. His girl liked Chunky Puffs, chickens, actually, she liked all animals in general, monster movies, and hanging out with her friends, there was a lot of other stuff there too, but he still had no idea where he fit in on An's like scale, all he knew was that An was at the top of his like scale, and love scale, and a few other scales, but mostly love.

This Kanker was hankering for his girl really, _really_ bad.

She rushed forward shouting, "CHICKEN!" and rushed towards the door, Jay's joy switched to horror as she raced towards his disguised sock. He then looked around wildly, trying to find a place to hide, he couldn't let An ruin the boys' surprise, as much as he didn't want to, he knew he had to hide. He looked down at the floor where he had made a path of Chunky Puffs for An to follow, but she had seemed to nervous to notice the trail he had made, so he had quickly made a chicken head out of his sock to calm her, but he hadn't really thought about what to do afterwards. Jay had found the Chunky Puffs in the pantry of the house, so the cereal was probably really stale, but it still made a good bait and Jay made a trail of Chunky Puffs so An would go where he wanted her to, so he didn't have to worry about An wandering off to other parts of the house, but if he was in the way, she'd most likely get spooked and run off. He then noticed an empty frame on the other side of the hallway. He quickly grabbed it and held it up to himself, making it look as if he was a portrait on the wall. An glanced back and forth, looking for the sock puppet chicken that was still attached to his hand, he quickly hid it behind his back, only for the frame to tilt. Jay quickly tilted with it, not wanting her to suspect him of anything. An looked at him for a second, processing, Jay began to sweat and silently begged An, 'Please don't freak out and run away, please don't freak out and run away!' An stared at him for another second, then stepped closer, only to hear a crunch from under her foot.

"Huh?" she said, she and Jay both looked down as she moved her foot, revealing a crushed Chunky Puff. An glanced around the floor, realizing that there was a trail of Chunky Puffs leading from the room she had just came from and down the hall.

"CHUNKY PUFFS!" An cried excitedly, then put her head down to the floor and sucked the crumbs off the floor and her shoe, ignoring the 'portrait' that let out a sigh of relief as it watched her start walking down the hall, bending over and pecking at the cereal trail he had made like a chicken as she made her way down the hallway.

Jay smiled as he watched his bride walk up the aisle, looking forward to when he'd see her walk down it to him.

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Anny had spent the last ten minutes trying to wrench that stupid doorknob holder off her finger and Tee was starting to get antsy, he wondered how his brothers' girls were doing and if they had been waiting long…

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An followed the trail of Chunky Puffs until she had spotted a whole box of them in a knocked over an old oil drum, An leapt in and munched on the box, then felt as the oil drum suddenly righted itself with her still inside, making her fall onto her face, she then felt the drum being moved. She quickly righted herself and her cereal and poked her head out of the drum, only to see that she was alone, her container on a toy train with a green metal trash can in front of it and a wooden barrel in front of the green trash can. An took another bite of her cereal, wondering what would happen next.

Meanwhile, Double-N was going through all of the options that could open up for her as an adult that she could gain from reading the vast literary gold mine she had found, "Professor Ann, Book Archivist." she said, trying out the title, then she decided that, "I like the timbre of that." She then continued to climb down the ladder absentmindedly, her joy from her discovery completely overriding the fact that she had been climbing down for a while now and that she could no longer see books, or much of anything besides her hands and feet going down the rungs of the ladder one step at a time.

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Tee couldn't wait any longer, he decided to help Anny move a bit faster as he watched her try to yank the doorknob holder off her finger by using her teeth. He pulled the rug she was standing on closer to his spot under the stairs, moving Anny out of the room she had been standing in. Anny noticed the movement and pulled the doorknob holder out of her mouth and looked around, nervously, "Where's the room going?" she asked as she was pulled out the room and closer to the stairs, "Where am I going?" she asked, looking as if she was about to panic. Tee smiled and kept pulling until he accidently got Anny's legs stuck under the stairs, making her totally freak out, "HELP!" she shrieked, "THE STAIRCASE IS EATING ME!" She tried in vain to pull her legs free, Tee felt awful, he was in such a rush to get his girl up the stairs he accidently slipped her _under_ them!

He needed to pull out the lure he had made, so he pushed up a wooden rod with a jewelry box on it, hoping it could catch her attention and make her sort of forget the pain she was in and at least try to head up the stairs while he crawled towards her to push the back of the front stair out to free her legs.

Anny yanked at her aching legs, it was bad enough that her finger was stuck, but now her legs? She was beginning to have a total meltdown, they were locked into this stupid house and everyone was too chicken to come in and help or at least check on them, her friends were missing and she had no idea how or when they had wandered off, if they had in fact wandered off instead of being taken against their will, and now she was stuck under the basement stairs of an old house.

Was she going to die trapped under these stupid steps? The very thought made her eyes water. She didn't want to die! All she had wanted was some stinkin' free candy for her and her friends, was that too much to ask for? That, for once, the Ans could catch a break and get rewarded for all their hard work?

Tee knew he was in trouble when he realized that the closer he got to the front step, the lower the steps would be, he couldn't stay in his hiding spot and help his girl. He'd either have to get out from behind the steps and reveal that it had been him who trapped her under the stairs and have her start freaking out, which, would be loud enough to tip off the other Ans that something was wrong and they'd run to help her and all the boys work would be for nothing. Or he could let his girl stay stuck under the steps, have his brothers and their Ans wait for forever and have their work be for nothing anyway. Tee bit his lip unsure of what he might do while Anny was trying to calm herself.

Anny looked around her, trying to find, something, anything that could help her, then she noticed the jewelry box.

"Hey, that's it!" she cried, smiling at the box, "Maybe there's something in there I can use!" she said, feeling like a genius… until she realized that the box was at the top of the stairs. She frowned, then steeled herself, "I'm getting out from under this stupid thing!" she declared, then began crawling up the steps, feeling her legs stretch uncomfortably as she got higher and higher. When she finally reached the stupid jewelry box, she grasped onto it with all the strength she had so she wouldn't get tugged back to her legs and smash herself against the floor. She glanced back at her legs for a second. 'At least I might get a little taller because of this.' She thought, trying to stay on the bright side. She then felt as her hands began to sweat and she felt herself begin to slide off the box. She wrapped her arms around it and closed her eyes, trying to pull herself free with willpower.

Tee finally decided to slip out from under the steps and save her, his girl's safety was much more important then his stupid plan. He finally crawled out from under the stairs to see Anny clinging to the box and trying to pull herself free. Tee was impressed, his girl was one tough cookie to try and yank herself out that way, but he then noticed the box tilt towards her, the stick would break and Anny could get seriously hurt when her upper body would snap back down here, Tee quickly punched through the wood and freed her, only sending her legs and lower body smacking into her upper body and launching her to where he had wanted her to go in the first place. Tee sighed and leaned against the wall, relieved that he had freed his girl and could still be her ball and chain.

Anny soared through the air, feeling a little triumphant, her plan had worked! Well, sort of… she then looked at the jewelry box and wondered what could be inside there that was heavy enough to help her pull her lower half back up, she reached for the little latch only to see the finger with the doorknob holder still stuck to it.

Great. She had managed to get unstuck from the stairs but she was still stuck with this stupid thing! "For crying out loud!" she shouted, attempting to yank it off her finger once more only to smash into a wall, crushing the box and letting it slip from her hands and onto the ground as she fell head first into a wooden barrel and felt herself being moved backwards.

A ladder extended from a trap door above the green trash can and Double-N climbed down it carefully, still going on and on about her options, "Nobel Prize winner, Ann." She smiled, "Nice." She then climbed down the last rung and fell into the trash can, she stood up, and glanced around, wondering where she now was and how she had gotten there.

"NYAHH!" she cried out, shocked to see Anny's wiggling legs sticking out from a barrel beside her, Anny popped her head out, "What?" Double-N was trembling with fear, but she was relieved that Anny was unharmed.

"Tsk, tsk." An scolded them from behind, her friends whizzed around to look at her, "Do you know how long I have been waiting?" An asked, who was actually unsure how long she had been waiting for her friends to show up and wanted them to tell her how long it had been, but before either Anny or Double-N could answer, the engine of the train that the containers holding the Ans screamed to life, steam coming up from the little chimney and the small train chugged forward, the girls lurched inside from the sudden pull of the engine, then glanced about nervously as the train chugged around a corner.

"Now what?" Anny demanded, annoyed, she was so sick and tired of this stupid house!

"I'm not sure I'm the right height for this ride." Double-N said nervously, fearing what would happen to them next.

"CHOO CHOO!" An cried with the engine, having a blast. The girls then were pulled into a large, dark room through a set of heavy double doors. Only for the doors to slowly close behind them, cutting off their only light.

"Creepy." An commented. They felt themselves climb a tiny bit of a hill, "Enterprising." Double-N observed before the girls found themselves plummeting down and up and through a loop-de-loop, with Anny and Double-N screaming while An cheered and laughed, none of them noticing, that with each twist and turn, they lost another article of clothing and that the fronts of their containers were being painted on.

Then the three girls burst through a paper heart at the end of the rollercoaster ride, they felt hats being shoved onto their heads, Double-N felt a hand reach for her own hat and ducked, the hand wrenched it off and shoved on a replacement, Double-N quickly shoved most of her long black hair back into the replacement hat, feeling naked. Once Anny managed to pull a yellowing veil off of her eyes and adjust to the light, she looked around, then looked down at herself, horrified, "Where'd this come from?" she demanded, staring at the veil with an annoyed expression on her face, she then looked down at herself and felt her blood go cold.

_Anny was standing in a barrel naked!_

She quickly shrank back down into the barrel and covered herself, "What happened to my clothes?" she demanded, feeling embarrassed and angry, wondering who was the jerk who stole her clothes! She glanced down at the barrel to see a wedding dress had been painted on it and someone had taped dandelions to the side of the barrel. "Huh?" she said, confused at the picture, the flowers, then looked at the veil someone had shoved onto her head, concerned.

"MY CLOTHES!" Double-N yelped, covering herself and looking as if she was about to cry, "THEIR GONE! I'M NAKED!" she then ducked into the green trashcan, that had the body of a well skinny and curvy girl on a white bikini painted on it and had dandelions shoved into the handles, wishing she could just curl up into a ball and roll somewhere far away.

An leaned over and saw a woman's sailor uniform painted onto her oil drum and saluted, a sailor's cap on top of her head. "Barnacles!" she exclaimed.

The train lurched to the right as it turned, plunging them into the tiny train tracks passing through light up neon pink hearts while blue glow in the dark painted hearts surrounded them.

"It's a nightmare, I tell you." Double-N muttered, looking at the various symbols of love and feeling nothing but dread oozing off of them. There was only one person who would strip her in the name of love, and she feared that he and his brothers might be behind all of their woes inside this mad house.

"Is it Valentine's Day already?" Anny asked, silently praying that all these hearts and the wedding dress painted on her barrel didn't mean what she thought it did.

"Gross!" An cried, disgusted at the thought that one of her least favorite holidays would arrive early.

They continued through the hallway of hearts, Anny's eyes widened in horror as an ironing board opened up to reveal…

"Is that me?" Anny asked, stunned, staring at the ironing board, where a home made Anny doll stood, a creepy smile on it's face as it ironed a sock on top of the ironing board, it's arm going back and forth. "Ironing clothes?" she finished, feeling angry, whoever was behind this was in for a sock to the jaw, then, after she found her clothes and got dressed again, she was going to give the jerk the beat down of a lifetime! Anny and Double-N ducked to avoid hitting the abomination that made anger flood through Anny's veins, while An just let it smack her in the face, sending her and her oil drum spinning

"Oh my!" Double-N cried as they passed a small spotlighted scene where a Double-N doll was happily dunking a dish into a little pot of sudsy water on a table, a stack of dishes besides the pot, "Look at the soap film on all those dishes." Anny scowled at her as if to say, 'Really, _that's_ what got you upset?'

Another spotlight shined down to reveal an An doll sitting on a comfy looking mauve armchair and watching TV. "Who's that good looking gal?" An asked.

"Get some glasses, An." Anny said flatly just as they plummeted down hill again, again with Anny and Double-N screaming while An cheered, "GRAVY!" then the girls slammed into a large box that opened when the girls' containers made contact.

"Aw, is the ride over?" An pouted, sad that all the fun had ended. Three figures sprang up, all wearing worn suits and had top hats covering their faces.

"Oh dear!" Double-N cried, shrinking into her trash can, realizing that her terrifying theory had just been proven, "I fear it has only begun." She said, shaking violently.

The Kankers moved their top hats up on their heads, revealing their faces to their girls, "Here come our brides!" they sang, smirking down at the girls shivering in their containers, scared and naked, then all three whistled at the girls and gave them a wink.

"Kankers?" Anny cried, horrified, "Brides?" she shrank back into her barrel, wishing that this whole thing was a nightmare, but knowing from being banged around all day that this nightmare was 100% real.

"The Kankers tricked us!" Double-N explained, cowering in her trash can, "IT'S A WEDDING ANNY!" she shouted, then sank into a ball on the bottom of her can, hoping that Larie wouldn't see anything if she stayed curled up inside of the only covering she had.

An frowned, concerned, "But I can't dance, Anny!" she shouted, then tipped over on her side.

Jay righted her can back up and handed her a couple of dandelions, "Flowers for my bride?" he asked, shoving them into her hands, "Aren't I sweet?" An just sat in her oil drum, confused, when had she become Jay Kanker's bride? She was terrified of Jay!

Tee pulled out a dictionary from inside the box and slammed it onto a dandelion stuffed dresser, "Pick up your brides and spit out your gum!" he said to his brothers. Jay pulled An's oil drum back up and smiled at her, An sunk into her barrel, she would have preferred the house eating her.

Larie pulled Double-N's barrel close and smirked down at her, "Hiya, wifey." He said, yanking her up, she yelped and he let her fall back into the trashcan, Double-N pressed her body against the side Larie was on, deciding that, although closer proximity was dangerous, letting him see her naked was infinitely worse for her. When she poked her head out, Larie put his face barely an inch from her face and licked his lips, making her cower as he pulled her up to the dresser with An and Jay. Then Larie and Jay pulled Anny's barrel up to the rest of them, then walked back to their Ans.

Jay yanked his gum from between his buck teeth, pulling out about half of it, then sticking it to the back of An's oil drum, "Hold on to this for me, okay honey?" he said, giving her a big smile, An looked at him, disturbed. While An had chewed other people's gum before, she didn't want _his_ pre-chewed gum!

Larie stuck out his tongue, pulled the gum off of it, then shoved it behind his ear, making Double-N's face contort from one of fear to one of disgust. He probably never cleaned behind his ears before and he was going to put something he had in his mouth back there and then back in? How sick could one get!

Anny just stared up at Tee, not sure if she was more angry or terrified at the fact that the Kankers had set them up. They had terrified them and trapped them, all for this stupid fake wedding.

Tee cleared his throat and said, "We are gathered here today to join in marriage the Kankers and the Ans! They promise to love, honor and obey, because they don't really have any other choice." He said with a smirk. Larie rolled his eyes and moved his hand as if it was talking as he said, "Blah blah blah!" he then crossed his arms, "Quit showing off, Tee!" he snapped, wanting to just get to the part where he could kiss his naked bride who was cowering in her green trashcan beside him and ensure that she was his forever. "Jay! Get the rings!"

"Rings?" Anny said, horrified that they had rings. Anny didn't know much about being married, but she knew once a girl had a ring on her finger, she was stuck, at least until she found a good divorce attorney. She wanted to leap out of the barrel and run, but she was still naked, so she couldn't leave her stupid barrel.

Jay pulled out a can of soda and scowled at Larie, "Whatchu got, a piano tied to your leg?" he asked, which meant that Larie could go get his girl's ring himself. Jay popped the tab of the soda. An's eyes widened at the soda in Jay's hand, she was thirsty and the soda looked good, "Soda." She said, almost as if she was in a trance, and reached for it.

"Hold still, Mrs. Jay." He said grabbing her hand and shoving the tab onto her left ring finger, making it swell and turn pink as it cut off the circulation to her ring finger, "With this ring, I do thee wed!" he said proudly.

"Doody?" An asked, confused about what poo had to do with marriage while Larie dug around his pocket, then smirked at Double-N who had sank into her trash can the moment she heard Larie say the word 'rings'.

"Where'd my muffin go?" he asked, then pulled her back up so he could see her, "There you are!" he said, then grabbed her left hand and shoved something onto her ring finger, "Hope you like what I got for you!" he said as he let her take it back, revealing it to be a washer that was too small for her finger, making it swell much like Ans and start to throb. "Breathtaking." She said dryly, massaging her aching finger and hoping she could somehow slip it off.

"Ha!" Anny cried, "No ring for me!" she declared, looking at Tee triumphantly. Tee gave her a devious grin, "Don't play dumb!" he said, holding up her left hand, where the doorknob holder was still stuck to her ring finger, "You had your ring all along." He said, looking pleased with himself.

"Man, they're good." She grumbled.

"I now pronounce us husbands and wives!" Tee declared. Anny and Double-N cowered in their containers, An smiled and looked at them, "Do you think there will be a reception?" she asked. Her friends stared at her, horrified at the thought of spending more time with their new husbands.

Tee then slammed the book and said, "We may now kiss our brides!" he purred, grinning at the girls. The Ans shook so bad that their containers began to rock from side to side as their grooms' shadows overwhelmed them, the girls screamed just as the boys leapt towards them, eager to end this wedding with a bang.

.

.

.

Later, after the boys got their first couple hundred marriage kisses and let the girls have their clothes back and get dressed, the rings turning An and Double-N's fingers purple and making them swelling like crazy. They then grabbed their girls, tied up their hands and tossed them into the back of a makeshift wagon. Then the boys grabbed some rope and smiled, "We're going to spread the joy of our union, girls." Tee informed them, then they began pulling the wagon and racing towards the cul-de-sac, just to rub their good fortunes to the others, who had been enjoying their An-free day.

They all stopped what they were doing and looked over at the Ans, who were tied up in a wagon with a barrel, metal trash can, and an old oil drum tied to the back of it, the wagon being dragged by the Kanker brothers, with the words 'Just Maryd' on the back. The other kids started laughing hysterically at the Ans' predicament, making the whole experience sink to a whole new level of suck.

"Check it out!" Karen cried through her tears of mocking laughter, "It's the Dorkbusters! I'd hate to see their kids!" Anny scowled at her, if Karen hadn't dared them to go into that stupid house for their favorite candy, they could've just sold knock off tacos and bought them with their earnings.

"Would you look at that!" Jenny laughed, then found herself unable to finish her sentence due to laughing so hard and falling to the ground. Double-N was so humiliated! All she wanted to do was curl up in a ball under her covers at home and cry.

"Save me some cake, An girls!" Rachel teased. An perked up, did the Kankers get a cake? She certainly hoped so, because cake would make this whole thing suck a whole lot less.

"So romantic!" Jamie cried, a little envious that the Ans could have the Kankers want to marry them, yet she couldn't get the guy of her dreams to take a hint. She grabbed a handful of rice from a random rice sack next to her, "Good luck rice for the newly weds!" she cried, then tossed the rice at them, the girls winced as the other kids began pelting them with rice too. The Kankers finally glanced back to see that…

"Hey! Those kids are throwing stuff at our wives!" Jay said.

"Hit 'em with these." Tee said, handing him a bundle of dandelions.

"Yeah, get 'um in the eyes!" Larie offered.

Jay threw the bundle of weeds back at the kids, the fluffy plant flying over the Ans, making it look as if they had been the ones to throw it, Jamie leapt for it, "The bouquet! It's all mine!" she cried, then was slammed into the ground, white puffy seeds exploding into the air on impact. Sam rushed out and helped her up, "Are you okay, Jamie?" he asked, worried. She held the seedless weeds up to her chest and sighed longingly, "Isn't love a many splendored thing?" she asked dreamily.

"ARE YOU NUTS?" Anny demanded, only for her and her friends to lurch to the side as the Kankers then dragged their brides home.

"HELP US!" Double-N screamed.

"Do you guys think there will be cake at the reception?" An asked her friends.

"AN!" they shouted back, exasperated as they were dragged back to the trailer park.

.

.

.

That night, the Kankers looked at the girls' 'rings' that laid on their coffee table and sighed. Once they had arrived home with their 'brides', they had given them a list of chores to do while they flopped over on the couch to watch TV.

"I _so_ want a divorce." Anny had hissed. The girls scowled at them, then Double-N whispered something into their ears and they walked into the kitchen, looking irritated.

About an hour later they went to check on them, all they could find were their rings, which were next to the dish soap… and the spot where you had seen An struggle so she wouldn't get any of the yucky soap on her but did anyway.

They stared at the rings and sighed, did their girls really not feel the same? Were their feelings one sided? The boys looked glumly at the TV, where a couple were getting married on a beautiful alter at sunset.

Just watching it made the boys feel as if someone had dumped a gallon of lemon juice on a nasty paper cut.

Then they noticed something… In the wedding on TV, the couples said "I do." Before they were pronounced man and wife and then they slipped on the rings.

The brothers squinted at the TV, then their eyes widened in comprehension. They knew why their girls had vanished and left their rings behind!

They couldn't believe how stupid they were! There was only one explanation for it!

_The rings were too tight!_

The rings hadn't slid onto their fingers like that lady's ring did! Their girls fingers had turned purple and looked swollen! They had probably left to go get their fingers checked out and left the rings behind so the boys could fix them! That had to be it, after all, fixing stuff was what husbands did!

They smiled and looked at the rings, wondering how they could make them a little bigger for their girl's fingers, then they wondered how the girls' faces would light up when the boys showed them that they had fixed their rings.

They relaxed back into the couch, each Kanker holding his girl's ring then pulling it up to their hearts and smiled.

"For better or worse." Jay recited.

"To have and to hold." Larie recalled.

"Our girls are ours." Tee declared, "Till death do us part."


End file.
